Why You Should Keep a “Functional Adult List”
My home’s cleanliness changes in direct proportion to how busy I am. Sure, as I’ve gotten older, I’ve also gotten better and cleaning up here and there. I’ve got my routines (and a shockingly organized linen closet, if I do say so myself). I understand Khloe Kardashian’s impulse to straighten the Oreo towers in her clear cookie jars.
Despite this, if I don’t have enough time at home, my entire house goes full on Grey Gardens. I once shared a cheeky pic on Instagram during finals week where the floor of my room had been rendered invisible by laundry and study materials. One of my many ADHD superpowers is the ability to inexplicably destroy an otherwise clean home in under 12 hours.
Since we unfortunately live in a society that does not value rest, if I’m busy or otherwise occupied and my house is dirty, it absolutely destroys my mental health. If that business is then accompanied by a period of depression or anxiety? Forget about it.
Earlier this year, on a whim, I started to keep a “Functional Adult List” - and the change in my typical negative thought patterns was immediate. Even if you don’t have ADHD like me (and therefore, likely, Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria) if you’re feeling overwhelmed and a bit worthless, taking stock of all your accomplishments, no matter how small, has a big impact.
What Is a “Functional Adult List”?
I came up with the term “Functional Adult List” to describe the running tab I keep in my brain that fights the mean voices. You know - the ones that say, “you’re not doing enough, you’re so lazy, look how much more that person is accomplishing.”
When I sense those thoughts coming, I stop in my tracks and make a list of all the things I did that day that functional adults do. It’s a way of reminding myself that I am, in fact, a functional adult, and not a gremlin imposter, as I sometimes believe. I make a mental list, but if I’m having an especially bad day (or feeling especially stressed), I may take the time to sit down and write it all out.
A “Functional Adult List” is similar to a gratitude list - only instead of writing outside things you’re grateful for, you’re writing down all the ways you’ve taken care of yourself. It’s a simple yet powerful way to combat the nasty narratives in your head before they can gain any traction.
Why Should You Keep a “Functional Adult List”?
I think many people (especially those who present as women) feel a strong pressure for perfection. I recently saw a list of the “messiest” celebrities (I won’t deign to link it). It would not shock many people that most of the celebrities on the list were women, and some of them had committed horrific offenses like having clothes strewn around while packing for a trip. What a monster, amirite?
Keeping this list helps me find ways to combat the narrative of perfection placed on people like me. Focusing only on what I can control in my immediate surroundings keeps me from entering toxic spirals of comparison and self doubt.
I find it important to point out that keeping a “Functional Adult List” is not a tool for toxic positivity. For me, it’s a tool for survival. This list will not negate the fact that your mom has cancer, or you’re in an abusive relationship, or that you need a new job. It will not make you win the lottery or meet the person of your dreams. It’s a way to give you some small amount of clarity when you feel overwhelmingly bad about yourself or your life. It’s a way of proving to yourself what you’re capable of - starting with being a functional adult.
How Do You Keep a “Functional Adult List”?
One of the main elements to keeping a “Functional Adult List” - you must include everything even slightly relevant. For those who struggle with mental health like me, on bad days, taking a shower is an accomplishment. Heck, changing your underwear is an accomplishment. That’s why it’s important not to rank or exclude any activities from your list. Anything that can even slightly be considered functional should be included. Qualifying the activities in your head only reinforces toxic narratives.
Here’s my functional adult list for today, as an example:
Made the bed
Ate breakfast
Ate lunch
Washed the blankets in the living room
Took my dog to her grooming appointment
Successfully led a tricky meeting at work
Wrote a blog post!
Often, when I start small (made the bed, ate breakfast), my thoughts produce larger and more complicated things (successfully led a meeting). Small steps snowball into reminding me what I’m capable of, heck, what I’m capable of in that single day.
Thanks to the way our culture moralizes health, some of my worst days mental health days are ones where I am forced to slow down for one reason or another. On these days, the small things on the list become incredibly important. And if I’m sick and having trouble doing anything to put on the list, taking one single step (like changing from one set of sweats to another) has a big impact.
Conclusion
On days that depression, anxiety, or RSD threaten to make my negative thoughts boil over, keeping a “Functional Adult List” can help keep my mind from catastrophizing. It stops useless comparisons to others, and reminds me that I am capable of taking care of myself and others. If you’re having a bad mental health day, I encourage you to make a functional adult list if you find self-defeating thoughts take over. It’s not a cure - but it is a step towards improving your mental health.
